Great Expectations

Now I know it’s not looking good, beginning a blog about great expectations with an apology, an excuse for laziness, a blagging of blogging failure. But I am. So there.

My name is Alana Kirk and I am a blogging basket-case, a creative couch-potato, a literary lout. My beautiful baby (the blog) has been neglected and abandoned in favour of my beautiful baby (in belly). There have been no words of wisdom, no funny fables and certainly no insightful…well, insights. As my stomach has swelled, so my brain has diminished until all I am capable of (until about 4pm anyway) is basic speech and a vague responsibility for my two children. All other tasks have turned into Mt Everest – impossible, dangerous and too bloody daunting.

Which leads nicely onto my theme for this rather tardy post…. great expectations. Do they help us strive forward and attain new heights, or do they crush us until we are quibbling wrecks of self-preceived failure and un-ticked lists? I’ve always thought the former, always lived on lists and always moved my little world continually forward. But now, to be honest, I am feeling a little deflated (despite my inflated body). I am finding the expectations on me from my family, my hubby and my children (expectations no doubt I have created through years of frenetic functioning and copious coping through everything) too much. Way, way, way too much. I am utterly exhausted. Six pregnancies in 5 years, three babies – well, two and one imminent), writing, living, and yes, I admit, far too much baking and decorating. I’m always the one who copes, so when I realise that at this precise moment in time – as my body defies gravity, my sleep-deprived exhaustion defies death and lengthy lists of to-do are lengthier lists of not-done – I am not coping, those that see me (I’m hard to miss) are not really seeing me. They are not seeing that I need not to have any expectations on me. That I am scared and incompetent and emotional and needy – all the things I am ususally not. But it works both ways too. I have great expectations of them, and how anyone live up to those? And so I conclude before my head explodes from thinking too much instead of mulching more brain cells.

Maybe we should all take the great away from expectations. Maybe we need to have real expectations. To completely ruin a beautiful saying … give me the serenity to accept the things I can do, the courage to let go of the things I just can’t right now, and the wisdom to know the difference. So with that I sign off with a flourish, and will NOT go and cook another 42 cottage pies for the freezer and instead sit down with a cup of tea. And a lovely (bought!) chocolate muffin. And it may be some time before I work up the energy to write again. Sorry.

About Grin & Tonic by Alana Kirk

Bouncing into middle age armed with courage, ambition and a pair of tweezers (chin hairs for anyone over the age of 45 reading this) I am a writer with a mission: to redefine this midway point in my life when the last thing I want to do is hang up my high heels and become invisible. This is the end of the beginning, not the beginning of the end. A single mum to 3 fabulous girls, an author, and a fundraising consultant, both ends of my candle are on fire. As I enter this new stage of my life, I want to explore what it means for 'mid-aged' women today, who were promised they could have it all, ended up doing it all, and just do not identify with the traditional image of middle age.
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7 Responses to Great Expectations

  1. BNM says:

    Put feet up and don't worry about the tiredness – when you have the energy again then write something but enjoy the quiet(!) time now before new baby arrives

    Like

  2. Foodie Mummy says:

    Don't worry we are all in the same boat. I have given up on expectations a long time ago. Put your feet up, enjoy your muffin and cup of teas! X

    Like

  3. cath c says:

    good for you~ you need a break.

    so there's another good blogger mom of two beautful young girls about the age of yours and just about the same stage of preggers as you over at myothercarisatardis.blogspot.com (i hope i typed that in right) and she has hit the wall of expectations and is just enjoying sending the kids off to school and preschool and pops in rarely to blog these days.

    no expectations here while you take care of your 'greatest expectation' and yourself. feel free to just grow rounder and eat bonbons

    Like

  4. Enjoy that chocolate muffin and don't worry about the blog – we will be here waiting for you when time and space allows you to write more freely again. x

    Like

  5. Brittany says:

    At least you have a good excuse!

    I just took the last two days off. Sat on my rear and got absolutely nothing accomplished *because I didn't feel like it*. I wrote a new blog–a little tantrum–and now I feel some better.

    I think I'll join you in that cup of tea. Cheers!

    Like

  6. Yes rest when you can. I have two little ones and am often exhausted and tell myself not to expect too much though I often do.

    Like

  7. Diney says:

    Enjoy the rest and don't worry about anything else but that little baby

    Like

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