Here’s what I’ve learned about being tested by ‘those’ people

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When they are cowardly, be brave.

When they suck your energy, breathe out their negativity.

When they are unfair, be defiant.

When they use you, use your boundaries.

When they hurt you, love yourself more (and huddle with your tribe).

When they manipulate, stay honest.

When they place their issues on your shoulders, say no thanks and hand them back.

When they lie to you and about you, tell the truth.

When they make you the monster, know it’s because they’re afraid to look in the mirror and see that they are the monster. 

Never be afraid of your anger; it is protecting you.

When they keep trying to drag you back to their drama, step into your own spotlight and leave them in the shadows.

Know it is hard, acknowledge your hurt, but do not let them take your peace of mind.  If they do, take it back as soon as you can.

Remember you always have the choice to walk away. As the incredible 13th century poet Rumi said: “Why do you stay in prison, when the door is so wide open?”

You always hold the key to the door.



About Grin & Tonic by Alana Kirk

Bouncing into middle age armed with courage, ambition and a pair of tweezers (chin hairs for anyone over the age of 45 reading this) I am a writer with a mission: to redefine this midway point in my life when the last thing I want to do is hang up my high heels and become invisible. This is the end of the beginning, not the beginning of the end. A single mum to 3 fabulous girls, an author, and a fundraising consultant, both ends of my candle are on fire. As I enter this new stage of my life, I want to explore what it means for 'mid-aged' women today, who were promised they could have it all, ended up doing it all, and just do not identify with the traditional image of middle age.
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