For 5 months, since my marriage ended, I have been Woe Me (hand swept across brow in 18th century damsel in distress sort of way). I’m ok with this. While I’m a glass half-full kind of person, occasionally you are allowed to admit the glass is tilting.… usually my wine glass but that’s a different blog post!
When you have devoted ten years to supporting and loving someone who then ends it to go and live a different life (one they had already had been living for some time without telling you), you stare at the on-coming lights of their car, wide eyed, open mouthed, unable to move, hoping someone pushes you off the road just in time.
I have been like a rabbit in headlights since it happened, and while my amazing friends have often had to save me from being squashed, I still sat, stunned in the onslaught. But I realise now, that while my friends will always be there to save my life, I will end up as roadkill unless I stand up, close my mouth, blink and walk off the road. Walk from where the grass was full of thorns to the side where the grass is greener and lusher and full of beautiful flowers.
The sandwich years have had lots of ups and downs. The tension of the pull between the needs of my young children and the needs of my mum and dad have wrung me dry at times. Choices, challenges and a lot of miles up the motorway.
But the tension has been eased by great times too…. everything my children do, good times with my mum and dad, and always, always the love and wine my friends bring into my life.
But these few months have pulled me stick thin… (all that wine makes this a literary description rather a literal one). My kids need me more than they ever have and my mum is deteriorating and needs me too. As I struggle to keep everyone afloat though, I have realised I was beginning to drown. Events of the last week had me gasping for my last breath.
So I have two choices. Sit, stunned, wondering what happened to Option A…. or stand, defiant and go kick the shit out of Option B.
My kids need me. My mum and dad need me. But most of all, I need me. Out of the worst time of my life, I am going to strive towards the best time of my life. The people who depend on me most, are also the ones who motivate me most. There is no bread without filling. No filling without bread. But I can decide if the Sandwich years will continue with me as a lacklustre limp petrol station pre-wrap filling, or a gorgeous gourmet 5 star restaurant filling. With relish.
For the last 5 months I have been Woe Me (hand swept across brow in distress).
For the next 50 years I am going to be Wow Me!! (hand up in the air in defiance).
Be warned you in the car – I may have been a rabbit in headlights…… but I just turned into a lion.