Happy birthday to me

Today is my birthday… I’m going to focus on being 42 years young….. the alternative is too depressing. It started well – three singing children and a basket full of presents….

Not sure what it says about me that I got a bottle of wine from my six year old! When Daddy asked her what she wanted to get me, she replied, “well, her favourite thing is wine!” She even knew which bottle I liked…. mmmm, must keep my tea-time musings to myself in future (“only 2 more hours till I can have my first sip!”).
It got better…I took my beautiful girls out for lunch and I felt for once people were looking at me thinking, ‘ah, isn’t she lucky’ as opposed to the usual looks of ‘ dear god, she has her hands full!’ For once I felt like this parenting lark is a doddle. (Last week I was out in a cafe and Ruby was being her usual exhuberant self – a woman sitting with her perfectly behaved, perfectly quiet child said to me on the way out as I struggled to strap Ruby into her pram…”you must have done something really awful in a previous life to have got a child like that..!’ I promise you, those were her words to me. The bitch. It made me love Ruby all the more.
This afternoon, hubby came home early and we all had birthday cake, played musical statues and lots of board games. Tonight hubby and I go out for dinner and tomorrow I hit the town with a big bunch of girlfriends. It’s ok being 42. The world is not imploding, and my world is expanding.
I feel like I’ve passed some test. The last 6 years have been extraordinarily hard, and the last 2 unfeasibly difficult. I miss my mum every single day, especially on a day like today. She would have been the first to call, the most excited for me, and most probably would have been sitting on that bed this morning too. I spoke to her this morning but she couldn’t understand it was my birthday. The pain still has the power to punch me. But, I took the girls to lunch where I always took her for her birthday… another reminder that a new cycle has begun, where I am the mother.
I am 42 years young, I have good days and bad. But the good days are great and the bad days fade in memory.

About Grin & Tonic by Alana Kirk

Bouncing into middle age armed with courage, ambition and a pair of tweezers (chin hairs for anyone over the age of 45 reading this) I am a writer with a mission: to redefine this midway point in my life when the last thing I want to do is hang up my high heels and become invisible. This is the end of the beginning, not the beginning of the end. A single mum to 3 fabulous girls, an author, and a fundraising consultant, both ends of my candle are on fire. As I enter this new stage of my life, I want to explore what it means for 'mid-aged' women today, who were promised they could have it all, ended up doing it all, and just do not identify with the traditional image of middle age.
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3 Responses to Happy birthday to me

  1. Wishing you a very happy birthday. Hope this is the start of a new chapter full of all things positive. And ignore anyone who makes flippant remarks about your children and give Ruby a hug from me. Enjoy the celebrations.


  2. Ruby is an absolute bundle of joy, all 3 of them are! They were absolute angels in Lisburn last week putting my 3 messy/untidy teenagers to shame! Enjoy your birthday, 42 years young today xx


  3. Oh, 42 years beautiful I say! Happy Birthday dear friend, sounds like a perfect day to me. Loving that delightful photo of your girls. Hilarious that your little lady knows your fave drop, amazing what they choose to take in.
    I am speechless by what that woman said to you, a terrible thing for any person to say, let alone one Mama to another… and like her little darlings wouldn't misbehave like crazy too. Forget her and laugh about it.
    Hope you had a good ol' time with hubby and the girls.
    P.S. Thank you for your kind and touching words on my recent post, it means so much to me xoxo


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