Lasting Firsts

Like everything in my life at the moment, two ends of the spectrum run in parallel – sometimes so close, the lines lie against each other, indeterminate, entwined, indistinguishable. My mum needs caring in the same way as my baby. My girls teach me as much as I mother them.

And so I constantly memorise every ‘last’ situation with my mum – her last kiss to me as she said goodbye after visiting me in hospital with Ruby; our last phonecall just three hous before her catastrophic stroke, how happy she’d been; our last hug; our last fight. Everyday moments in our relationship, forever now memorised as momentous.

And alongside that, all my new firsts with Ruby. Her first smile three months ago, like a rainbow after a storm. Her first giggle, a trickle that has gushed into a flood. And now, her first solid food – her surprise, my delight, her excitement, my satisfaction, from those first tentative tastes of rice, to my freezer bursting with bags of heart shaped frozen cubes of steamed sweet potato, brocolli, carrot, pear and apple. I spoon feed my mum – favourite flavours no longer lighting up her eyes, and I spoon feed my new baby, marvellous mouthfuls of taste, surprising and lighting up her face.

Different ends of the spectrum. Same love.

About Grin & Tonic by Alana Kirk

Bouncing into middle age armed with courage, ambition and a pair of tweezers (chin hairs for anyone over the age of 45 reading this) I am a writer with a mission: to redefine this midway point in my life when the last thing I want to do is hang up my high heels and become invisible. This is the end of the beginning, not the beginning of the end. A single mum to 3 fabulous girls, an author, and a fundraising consultant, both ends of my candle are on fire. As I enter this new stage of my life, I want to explore what it means for 'mid-aged' women today, who were promised they could have it all, ended up doing it all, and just do not identify with the traditional image of middle age.
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5 Responses to Lasting Firsts

  1. Wow – what an emotional place to be. So much happening from both ends and you in the middle. Little Ruby looks adorable by the way, and I hope that is a good brew of coffee you have there in the photo – to keep your energy levels up!

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  2. cath c says:

    glad to hear you are delighting in your new baby, too. and love the new header photo!

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  3. I just discovered your blog through The Truth About Mummy and wanted to say I think it's beautiful. There is something so warm & lovely about your header photo, just gorgeous! This post is incredibly moving, thank you for sharing :o)

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  4. What a beautiful post. Very moving. Ruby looks lovely. Love the new header image too.

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  5. Foodie Mummy says:

    Love the new header. Your girls are beautiful! This is something I sometimes think about. How sometimes grown ups (for various reasons, whether old age or sickness) need the same attention as babies do. It is such a terrible thing especially if the person is conscious of the amount of attention they require. I don't know how I would react if it were me that needed attention like that. I am glad you are finding strength in your beautiful little Ruby. Big hugs

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