Grown up love

I’m so proud of them. No, I’m not talking about our girls – although they make me so proud there isn’t a blog host or an internet range large enough to hold the stuff I could write about them. No, I’m talking about my other family – my mum and dad and brother. I know this is not normal. We spend most of our lives being embarrassed or pissed off, or more often than not irritated and frustrated with these strange people who are so familiar they’re like our skin, yet so alien to us, they feel like a rash on that skin. And I’ve often felt all of those things.

Like most families, mine has had its fair share of dramas… but despite the sparks and the strifes, we’ve shared time, willingly and with pleasure. Despite branching out in our own lives, in the last ten years my brother and I have found ourselves coming together to holiday with mum and dad, and strangely our family strengthened instead of weakened as we married and grew. My mum was the central nervous system – the magnet which pulled us all together no matter how far apart we were. And in the awful days and nights after her catastrophic stroke, my dad, my brother and me – supported by my sister-in-law and husband – formed a vigil, a protective presence, a desperate determination that she would never be alone. As the weeks have slowly drifted into months and decisions were made, plans put in place we did so as a family – as she would have wanted. We are the family she taught us to be – strong in support, united in love.

My dad has been outstanding. He is 74 and caring full-time for my mum now. Most men his age couldn’t cope on their own for a day. He cares for her – and himself and does it with extraordinary competence. I don’t just mean he copes with the house and manages the washing. When I went up to visit last weekend, we had homemade soup for lunch – with homemade bread, and a stupendous homemade fish pie for tea. It was a sunny spring day so we got mum into her wheelchair and wrapped her up and took her round the park at the end of the road. The first crocuses of Spring were waving hello in the grass and we stopped to feel the sun on our faces for a moment. It was almost bearable. Because we were still together.

My mum is in a terrible place, but while she is there she is being wrapped in love. She taught us that and I hope we are making her proud. For I am proud of them – my mum, my dad, and my brother. So proud that my life has been shared with them, through the good times and the bad.

About Grin & Tonic by Alana Kirk

Bouncing into middle age armed with courage, ambition and a pair of tweezers (chin hairs for anyone over the age of 45 reading this) I am a writer with a mission: to redefine this midway point in my life when the last thing I want to do is hang up my high heels and become invisible. This is the end of the beginning, not the beginning of the end. A single mum to 3 fabulous girls, an author, and a fundraising consultant, both ends of my candle are on fire. As I enter this new stage of my life, I want to explore what it means for 'mid-aged' women today, who were promised they could have it all, ended up doing it all, and just do not identify with the traditional image of middle age.
This entry was posted in family, mum, stroke. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Grown up love

  1. cath c says:

    it's good you can appreciate your family now. especially now.


  2. Foodie Mummy says:

    That's what family is all about. Love the way you put it: strong in support, united in love.


  3. Every time I read about your family I'm so impressed with with what I hear about them. You dad, like your mum, sounds amazing. It is wonderful to read that your mum is being wrapped in love. Your family could teach many a thing or two. x


  4. Anonymous says:

    Hi Alana

    Every time I real your blog I feel like crying!Not because it is always so sad but because it is so beautifully written. You are an amazing writer – your blog on Donegal was so good I read it to my sister and her husband and they said that it should be on the Discover Ireland website. Your are really going through a very tough time at the moment but your girls are beautiful and the love that you have for your mother is incredible – your are both so lucky to have each other. Keep writing. Luv Bernie


  5. teachingtormentsandtidings says:

    Blog is fantastic Alana, so glad there is such support there amongst you all and love the photo of you and your gorgeous girls
    Collette xx


  6. Mary says:

    So beautiful. I am glad you are all coming together to love each other and your mom right now!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s