In search of me….

I went to a party this weekend. In London. Not only have I not said those words since about 1986, but the decadence involved of dumping one’s children, getting on a plane and booking into a hotel – alone – with one’s husband to do something as frivilous as….a party… seems beyond my realm of existence of late. But I just did. So go figure.

No children. No mum. Just hubby and me. Did I mention we booked into a hotel?? Not that I had the faintest idea what to do at such a social event, but I was there.. in a sparkly top no less.

It was a friend’s 40th – and as I trawled through my university photos for some snaps to take with me, I stared in wonder at the girl in them and found myself asking – who was she? That 20 year old. Where is she now? For I don’t see her staring back at me in the mirror. She is young. Carefree. Eyes alight with anticipation and expectation. The only thing I’ve been expecting the last six years is babies, and the only thing I’ve anticipated is exhaustion.

But I went… with not just a little glimmer of anticipation and expectation in my eye (did I mention there was a hotel?) and you know what? I danced. I laughed. I remembered old friends and they remembered me. It’s Monday now, and I’m back on the treadmill but today I had a little tiny, itsy bitsy spring in my step. I think I found that girl… if only for a little while, if only for one night. But it’s enough to know she’s still in there somewhere…

About Grin & Tonic by Alana Kirk

Bouncing into middle age armed with courage, ambition and a pair of tweezers (chin hairs for anyone over the age of 45 reading this) I am a writer with a mission: to redefine this midway point in my life when the last thing I want to do is hang up my high heels and become invisible. This is the end of the beginning, not the beginning of the end. A single mum to 3 fabulous girls, an author, and a fundraising consultant, both ends of my candle are on fire. As I enter this new stage of my life, I want to explore what it means for 'mid-aged' women today, who were promised they could have it all, ended up doing it all, and just do not identify with the traditional image of middle age.
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6 Responses to In search of me….

  1. It's wonderful to feel 'her' again hey! Now my 3rd litle pink is 2 I'm starting so have some life again. But it's not really the same, I think you really do have to re-invent yourself a bit after motherhood But the person that comes out the other end is a better version of you – well at least that's what I'm hoping for. Yay for a weekend without the kids!!!

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  2. Foodie Mummy says:

    Good for you. Everybody needs a bit of 'us' time once in a while. We are very lucky that Mr Foodie's parents take the girls once a month or so for a couple of days so we can have a bit of time to ourselves. Sometimes it just involves snuggling on the couch watching an entire season of 24 and eating rubbish but, boy, does it feel good! X

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  3. Wonderful! So pleased you've been able to get a break from it all, live a little and know you can still have fun. Hope that spring in your step is there for a long time to come! Was there a hotel? Joking!

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  4. cath c says:

    so good to hear!

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  5. Brittany says:

    Sounds fun! I know exactly how you feel. Hubby and I are taking a cruise ALONE to Bermuda in April and I can't wait. Here's hoping there are lots more of these soirees in your future!

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  6. Glad to hear you have a spring in your step again, so important to do such things from time to time to revive the spirits.

    I had a similar moment last week when I read back on some of my travel stories from my early 20s and could barely relate to anything in them.
    It's amazing hey? the lives you live in one life. It's so tempting to look back with rosy eyes and remember your lithe/smooth skinned self going on backpacking holidays and dancing whole nights away and not feel a little lost.

    I blogged about it here if anyone wants to read about it here in a post called All journeys begin in the womb: http://newwritersden.blogspot.com/2011/01/on-journey-from-outer-to-inner-realms.html

    Think you might relate…

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