Wild at Heart

I’ve been to the dark side – and emersed myself in some of the realities I might have to face over the coming weeks and months. But I didn’t like it there, so didn’t dwell, deciding for now that it is better for me, the girls and my baby to focus on the positive and take this rocky road one step at a time.

I’m having a good hour, so I’ve rushed to the laptop. (I should probably be rushing to do the ironing, hoovering, stocking the freezer and all those other neglected jobs but hey, I’m not feeling THAT well). Despite this being my 6th pregnancy, I had STILL forgotten how debilitating the tiredness is and how devastating the nausea. I must lie on the floor at least 6 hours a day, and then go to bed at 8pm. The girls have taken to talking to me with their heads tilted to the side, since they rarely get me in a position where they have to look up to me anymore. I groan a lot too. Not sure it’s as affective as the ginger tea, but I do it all the same. And as I lounge (groaning) on the sofa, the girls are running a little wild. Yesterday, as I hugged the floor they floated into the kitchen. How much harm could they do? Quite a lot it seems. They decided to do the washing up (sad indictment of my lack of energy these day that my four and two year olds feel they need to take things into their own hands….) I finally dragged myself into the kitchen at the sound of shattering glass…. it looked like the early stages of the sinking of the Titanic, everything within a little arm’s radius of the sink had been submerged in suds – including my radio.

Later, after I’d cleared up, I let them go upstairs to dress up, thinking “I’ll just lie down….” When I eventually called them for dinner, I misinterpreted their sheepish grins – their outfits were a tad Vivienne Westwood. It was only when I dragged them upstairs for bed almost dead on my feet I discovered their secret. Their floor had disappeared. Completely. In it’s place was a sea of clothes. Every single item of clothing from their two chest of drawers, their wardwrobe, their bedding, the (extremely full) laundry basket and anything else they could get their hands on. It was almost too tempting to just lie down on it, but I resisted and it took me 45 minutes to refold and put everything away. My pregnancy fog clouded my anger, and I had to even suppress a smile.

It’s like they’ve been let off the leash, their imagination no longer constrained by my boundaries and presence. My good hour is up, I feel the wall of nausea wrap itself around me so I am off to lie (groaning) on the sofa. And they can run a little wild. I’d say it’s good for us all.

About Grin & Tonic by Alana Kirk

Bouncing into middle age armed with courage, ambition and a pair of tweezers (chin hairs for anyone over the age of 45 reading this) I am a writer with a mission: to redefine this midway point in my life when the last thing I want to do is hang up my high heels and become invisible. This is the end of the beginning, not the beginning of the end. A single mum to 3 fabulous girls, an author, and a fundraising consultant, both ends of my candle are on fire. As I enter this new stage of my life, I want to explore what it means for 'mid-aged' women today, who were promised they could have it all, ended up doing it all, and just do not identify with the traditional image of middle age.
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10 Responses to Wild at Heart

  1. How I feel for you! My pregnancies sound rather similar. Evidently I have a large hormone DROP when I'm pregnant and feel some what depressed, sick and non-present for about the last seven months. I'm afraid my kids watched a lot of Peppa Pig and other ABC kids shows! My advice – if people offer help take it. I hope for you this stage passes and you have a golden second trimester just around the corner!!


  2. Heather says:

    little darlings. Mine are constantly pulling stuff out of drawers, off shelves or from cupboards. i've given up on my floors. if i can't see them I dont have to clean them, right?


  3. Sounds tough going. Hang in there!
    There's an award over for you at mine x


  4. Foodie Mummy says:

    You don't want to walk in my daughter's bedroom, it sounds fairly similar to yours! But I get her to clean it! Glad to see you are up for writing a bit. X


  5. Diney says:

    Keep on writing when you can – I can feel it is doing you good to let it all out and share it. Good luck x


  6. Oh good luck, i'm depleted of energy & morning sick all 9 months of my pregnancies, but i didn't have any worries, so wishing you well, love Posie


  7. Pregnancy has always made me feel extremely ill. And you have so much more to deal with as well…Hang in there. We are sending you and your beautiful family much love.


  8. Mary says:

    Ugh, I remember feeling like that. Not sure about you but I think it got worse with each pregnancy. My pediatrician told me to do just as you are doing…lie on the floor and let the kid(s) play around me. Hope you feel better soon, and do keep writing when you have the energy!


  9. Hope you manage to get some rest when you need it most and hoping you feel better soon – positive thoughts from here.x


  10. Hello lovely. Kai is sick (still!) so I'm only just catching up on the week.

    Thinking of you lots and hoping this being sucked down the plughole bit passes soon! xx


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